Your pet already knows something is up
Your dog has been the baby of the family for years. Then one day there's a crib in the spare room, new smells on every surface, and his walks stop happening on time. He doesn't know a baby is coming. He just knows his whole world is shifting and nobody asked him.
Most of the trouble I see after a new baby arrives isn't jealousy. It's a pet who had every change dumped on him at once, during the most exhausting week of the family's life. The good news is you usually have months to spread those changes out, and most of the work is small.
One thing up front, and I'll say it again before we're done: no pet, however sweet, should ever be left alone with an infant. That isn't because dogs and cats are out to get babies. It's because a newborn can't push away a 70-pound dog who wants to curl up close, or a cat looking for a warm spot.
Before the baby comes
Start living the new schedule now. Be honest with yourself about when dinner and walks will actually happen with a newborn in the house, and move your pet to those times while you still have the energy to stick with it. A change made in month seven feels like ordinary life by the time the baby gets home.
Pick five or ten minutes a day that belong only to your pet. Brush him, rub his ears, talk to him. Keep it even after the baby arrives, and don't feel guilty that it's short. Five minutes of your full attention is probably more than he gets in one stretch right now.
This is also the time to look at how your pet asks for attention. If a nudge or a paw on your knee always gets a pat, he's going to be confused when your arms are full. Start rewarding him when he's calm and leaving you be, or when he answers a cue like sit. If he sleeps on the couch or climbs in your lap and that won't fly with a baby, change it now so it isn't one more thing the baby "caused."
Manners that will save you later:
- Sit, down and stay that work the first time you ask, not the third.
- Drop it, because he will pick up a pacifier sooner or later.
- Go to your bed and stay there calmly. Practice in short, easy sessions of a few minutes, adding small distractions as he gets good at it.
- Walking nicely on a leash. Try it with an empty stroller. If he pulls, ask us about a head halter or a no-pull harness before you're juggling both.
Then let him get used to the baby's world. Set out the lotions, wipes and diapers early. Let him sniff the nursery, but don't let him nap in the crib or bassinet. Find a recording of a baby crying and play it quietly while you practice his cues with treats, turning it up a little over the weeks. If he gets worked up, turn it back down and go slower. Some families even carry a baby doll around for a while. It feels silly, and it works.
Homecoming day
Line up your pet's care before your due date. If you can, have someone come stay with him at home rather than rushing him off to a kennel. A dog who gets hustled out the door, left with strangers and brought home to a crying newcomer can easily decide the baby is where all that stress came from.
While you're still at the hospital, have someone carry home a blanket or an outfit the baby has worn. Let your pet sniff it, praise him, say the baby's name in a happy voice. Leave it lying around.
When you walk in the door, hand the baby to someone else first. You've been gone for days and your pet missed you. Greet him properly, with both hands free, so nobody gets knocked over or scratched. If he's a jumper, he can wait in another room until things settle.
The actual introduction can wait until everyone is calm, which may take half an hour or may take a few days. Have one person sit comfortably with the baby while the other handles the pet on a leash. Let him sniff at his own pace and praise him for staying relaxed. Don't hold the baby up or dangle the baby over him, which can make even a gentle dog lunge. If he growls, stiffens or stares hard, calmly end the visit, give him a break somewhere quiet, and call us.
The first few weeks
Here's the mistake almost every tired parent makes, and I understand why. When the baby is awake, the pets get ignored. When the baby finally sleeps, the pets get all the love. Your dog learns that the baby means nobody looks at him, and the baby being gone is when good things happen. That's backwards.
Flip it. Talk to your pet, toss him a treat or play a little while the baby is awake and in the room. If two of you are home, one can tend the baby while the other gives the dog some attention, and trade off so he doesn't link the good stuff to only one person. When the baby is napping, things can be a little boring for him. Over time he starts looking forward to the baby being around.
If you're home alone with the baby, keep your pet behind a baby gate, in a crate, or on a leash tied far enough away that he can't reach the baby. You will be feeding the baby when the doorbell rings and the phone goes off. Nobody can watch a dog closely in that moment.
A few rules that don't bend, no matter how good your pet has been:
- No pet sleeps in a room with an unattended baby. Close the door and use a baby monitor.
- A muzzle is not a babysitter. It may stop a bite, but it won't stop a dog from jumping on or landing on a baby.
- If after a few weeks your pet is relaxed and respectful around the baby, he can be off leash in the room with you, still watched.
A word about cats
Cats get less attention in these conversations, and they deserve more. Everything above applies to them too: the earlier schedule changes, the nursery sniffing, the supervised visits.
If you're pregnant, hand off the litter box if you can. Cat feces can carry toxoplasmosis, which is a real concern during pregnancy. If the job is yours anyway, scoop daily, wear gloves and wash your hands well afterward.
A crib is a soft, warm, high-sided bed, which is a cat's idea of heaven. Keep the nursery door closed when you can't watch, and start before the baby arrives so it doesn't feel like a new punishment. A cat who is stressed by all the change may hide more, or stop using the litter box. For anxious cats, a calming pheromone diffuser such as Feliway, plugged in a couple of weeks before the due date, can help. There's a version for dogs, called Adaptil, too.
When the baby starts moving
Just when everyone has settled in, the baby learns to crawl, then walk, then grab. To your pet, that's a whole new creature. A dog who was perfect with a sleeping newborn can be uneasy with a toddler who lurches toward him.
Older pets need extra protection here. A dog with arthritic hips or sore ears can't tell a toddler's grab from an attack, and a pet in pain may bite because it's the only way he knows to say stop. If your pet has aches like that, let's get them managed, and make sure he has a spot the toddler can't follow him into.
You can start getting a younger pet ready by gently handling his ears, paws and tail and rewarding him for staying relaxed. Then, as your child grows, teach the other side:
- Pet along the back or side, not the face or head. Many dogs don't like hugs, even from family.
- Leave a pet alone when he's eating, sleeping or has walked away.
- Never touch someone else's dog without asking the owner first.
- If a strange dog acts scary, stand still like a tree, arms in, and don't look at it.
Kids copy what they see, so skip any rough play or teasing you wouldn't want your child to try. Once your child is talking, they can ask the dog to sit before handing over a treat. Dogs tend to love that arrangement.
When to call us
Most pets come around to a new baby just fine with some patience. A few signs, though, mean it's time to get help rather than wait and see:
- Your pet already growls or snaps when he's touched, disturbed while eating, or woken up.
- He stares hard at the baby, creeps toward the baby, or whines and gets oddly excited when the baby cries.
- He has snapped at, lunged at, or jumped on the baby, even once.
- He can't settle down at all, or your cat has stopped using the litter box.
Give us a call at 843-824-8044. I would much rather hear from you in your sixth month than after something has gone wrong. If it's a behavior problem, we can work through it with you or point you to a good trainer or behavior specialist. If it turns out your dog has been hurting somewhere, that's a fixable reason for a short temper.